GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE October 22,

bigtips

Is Will & Grace a big step forward, or a step back?

by M.T. "the Big Tipper" Martone

Yesterday, I was behind a car that could not stop sharing its opinion with me. Not only should I CONTEMPLATE WORLD PEACE and understand that FOLK DANCING IS FRIENDSHIP SET TO MUSIC, I should definitely, promptly KILL

MY TV.

Besides the irony that such an active proponent of world peace would advocate widespread telecide, I felt like it was presumptuous of the car to think that I hadn't done my very best to do just what it told me. But killing my TV has proven to be no simple task, like say, the whole world peace thing.

A couple of months ago, when my lady and I where mulling over developing a budget, and what exactly constituted trimmables, she announced to a friend of ours that we were going to cancel cable. I was appalled. Good Lord: in our reception-challenged neighborhood, that's like taking your set off life support. The heart may keep beating, but the brain is dead.

No CNN. No Biography. No World War II

Curbside

Channel. And wasn't that genuinely what having a TV was all about? Keeping up with the vital pulse of world news and events? Staying culturally current?

It took a few weeks, during which I silently said goodbye to a number of culturally illuminating sitcoms, the gang on Party of Five, and hardest of all, Classic TV. I guess if there's a Dragnet I haven't seen five times by now, Jack Webb will have to fill me in on it in heaven.

BIG TIPS

I finally felt ready let go, and let the TV go towards the crackling, snowy white light. I sat down on the couch next to

my sweetie, took her hand, and said, "Baby, I'm ready to let go now.'

Her eyes flicked back and forth with The Real World's latest posse. “Are you kidding? How come we never want to do this at the same time?"

Phew! Now, in the name of moderation, I've suggested we just move the TV out of the living room and into the guest room, so it's not so central. I just have to keep my resolve steady until she's ready again. Stay tuned.

PART TIME LOVER ROBERT KIRBY AFTER HE'D HAD ENOUGH OF ME PART-TIME

THE FIRST TIME I TRIED TO SETTLE DOWN WITH A BOYFRIEND-TYPE GUY. IT DIDN'T WORK OUT SO GOOD. HE WAS A YUPPIE WANNABE AND I WAS YOUNG AND TOTALLY NOT-IMPRESSED.

CHECK OUT THE

NEW THREADS! THEY'RE HAVING A SALE

AT SAKS!

HUM.

BEST

TONIGHT'S TELEVISION

I DIDN'T CARE ABOUT BRICK WALL SCENERY, SUNDAY DINNERS OR ANY OF THAT. I LIKED BEING ON MY OWN. CALLING MY OWN SHOTS.

yeah

000h

yeah

ship

ship Po

ship ship

I MOVED OUT INTO MY VERY OWN LITTLE CRACKERBOX IN SOUTH MINNEAPOLIS. BACK THEN ALL I WANTED FROM OTHER GUYS WAS ONE THING, SO I REALLY APPRECIATED THE PRIVACY.

yeah,

oooh yeah

YEARS DOWN THE LINE, I FIND MYSELF ACCIDENTALLY LIVING WITH ANOTHER GUY I'M INVOLVED WITH. BUT IT'S GOING BETTER THIS TIME. I REMEMBER MY PAST MISTAKES.

NATHAN! I JUST SOLD MY THIRD SHORT STORY! CHECK OUT THIS LETTER!

HEY BURNS! EAT MY

SHORTS'

www.

Dear Big Tipper,

Will & Grace: Big step forward, or stereotype mongering?

Dear Nervous Nell,

Paranoid Fan

Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice cream: Tantalizing, crunchy-creamy yumfest, or artery-clogging, tooth-rotting ass padder? Both. Step forward: Queer boys see gay men on TV, realize that they exist, can be out and happy, and have lots of attractive straight female friends. Straight boys see gay men on TV and realize that, even better than beating the crap out of them, is making friends with them, because then they can meet attractive straight women.

Stereotype: Gay men know few lesbians, who exist only as the butt of jokes.

Step forward: Hearing jokes on TV that actually make you laugh the way your friends do.

Stereotype: Getting the distance to see how snotty, mean, and wearying some of that repartee can be.

Step forward: Jack! Stereotype: Jack.

I guess the question is, are we willing to pay to play? Being on a prime-time sitcom

BY ROBERT KIRBY MY MOM WASN'T TOO HAPPY WITH ME THOUGH.

WHAT A NICE VIEW-A BRICK WALL! COME BACK HOME, HONEY, I'LL STAY OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS, I PROMISE I'LL MAKE YOU DINNER ON SUNDAYS! AC/DC

AW C'MON, MA !

IT'S ALL ABOUT GIVE AND TAKE, THAT'S WHAT I'VE FINALLY LEARNED. ABOUT TIME TOO, HUH?

THAT'S GREAT, DREW. I'LL READ IT LATER. C'MON, WATCH THE

SIMPSONS WITH ME.

PAT

OH, OK.

UH, THAT WAS HOMER SIMPSON

SIR

www.comicazee.com

has rarely been a formula for major social advancement.

Conversely, if you're going to be hypnotized for a half an hour, it might be nice to laugh at something you find familiar. Stereotypes can be based on not-necessarily-attractive nuggets of truth, so they shine an incomplete and unflattering light on some of our people's traits.

But humor itself, particularly the brand promoted on TV, is often built out of situations in which people are uncomfortable or confused, and it revolves around characters that are different or out of place. Queers have been a long-running comic outsider element for years: think Dr. Smith on Lost in Space, Three's Company, just about the entire cast of Bewitched. Even when queers are the main characters now, the differentness is still the point. But it's closer to being on our own

terms.*

So I guess, if the cast of Will & Grace are folks you want in your living room once a week, for now, it's worth it.

Dear Big Tipper,

I had an experience lately that left me with a mind full of questions and a mouthful of hair. I had sex with someone whose ass hairs seemed to all come off when I licked them. This has never happened before. Is this normal?

Dear Coated Tongue,

A Lot of Hair There

Hmm. Had you had something particularly sticky for dinner? No? Well, I can tell you that it's a rare oral-genital/anal encounter that doesn't leave someone with a kisser full of nature's dental floss. Hence the popular joke among 11-year-olds everywhere: Q. What's the last noise a pubic hair hears? A. (More or less elaborate spitting noise.) Sorry.

It's not normal for all of the hair to come off any part of your body just from being licked. If he was a particularly woolly guy, it may just have seemed like there was a whole butt's worth stuck in your mouth.

If your vigorous lingual ministrations literally left him bald, though, he might not have been in the best of health: Some vitamin deficiencies can cause you to drop hair from all over. Did he have any hair on his head? He might be undergoing some sort of medical treatment that's making him lose hair, and his butt hairs were the last to let go.

If these explanations don't seem likely, he probably had an ass toupee: don't bring it up.

Burning questions? Contact me at the Chronicle, attention Big Tips, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland 44101, or fax to 216-631-1052, or e-mail to martone@drizzle.com.

John R. O'Connor, LISW ACSW of D.L. Dunkle and Associates Practicing in Two Locations!

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